What the Hell Happened to Lindsay Lohan?

lindsay Lohan 2013

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan isn’t just a train wreck.  She is a train that is perpetually wrecking.  It’s as though someone keeps rewinding the tape and replaying the same disaster over and over and over again.  The situation has gone from sad to funny and back again more times than I can count.  It’s hard to remember, but just ten years ago Lohan was the most promising actress in Hollywood.  She seemed poised for greatness.  On screen, she had a talent and composure beyond her years.  In reality, she was ill-equipped to deal with the pressures of her life.  Her public melt-down is in danger of lasting longer than her career.

What the hell happened?

Lindsay was the oldest of four children all of whom have been pushed into, I mean chosen a life in show business.  By now, most people are familiar with Lohan’s loving parents,  Dina and Michael Douglas Lohan, Sr.  Dina is known to have brought camera crews to film her visiting her daughter in rehab.  She also claims to be a former Rockette despite that no one at Radio City has any record of the claim.  Michael was a former Wall Street trader who was convicted of criminal contempt of court and sentenced to three years.  Since then, he’s been consistently in trouble with the law and in and out of rehab.  Guess that apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

It would be charitable to say that the Lohan clan is lead by deeply flawed people.  For now, I will leave it at that.

lohan - child model

Lindsay Lohan – child model

Lindsay Lohan signed with the Ford Modeling Agency at the age of three.  How does a three-year-old sign a contract anyway?  My four-year-old can write her first name.  But something tells me that’s not legally binding.  I feel terribly guilty when I drop her off at daycare some times.  But her parents seemed okay with the head-trip of signing a contract with a modeling agency for their three-year-old.  Different parenting styles, I guess.

Lindsay Lohan and Mischa Barton

Lindsay Lohan – child model

Here she is with a young Misha Barton in an ad for a clothing company called Caravan.

Lohan - Abercrombie Kids

Lindsay Lohan – child model

Here she is in an ad for Abercrombie Kids at age 12.  I wonder how the two kids she has in a headlock are doing today?

lohan - calvin klein

Lindsay Lohan – child model

And here’s Lohan’s serious face in an ad for Calvin Klein.

Lohan also appeared in tons of TV commercials like this grape J-ello commercial starring Bill Cosby:

Next: The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday

Posted on June 23, 2013, in Movies, What the Hell Happened?, WTHH Actress and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 287 Comments.

  1. Lindsay Lohan’s tweet of “Why is everyone in such a panic about a hurricane (I’m calling it Sally)? Stop projecting negativity! Think positive and pray for peace” makes WatchMojo’s list of Another Top 10 Dumb Things Said by Celebrities


  2. The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Lindsay Lohan:

    This week, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to Lindsay Lohan, for failing to complete her community service despite having years to complete it. Yes. Years.

    According to various reports, actress Lohan has only officially completed around 10 hours of her 125 hour community service sentence from her 2012 car crash in Santa Monica, California. You would think that Lohan, who hasn’t been a respected actor in over a decade, would have wanted to get her community service completed as soon as possible so she could, you know, get it out of the way. But, no, Lohan has deliberately skirted her responsibilities and now there’s a chance that if she doesn’t complete her full 125 hour requirement by May 28th she will be sent to jail. And you know what that means? Endless media speculation about what will happen to her in jail and how long she’ll actually spend in jail. Round the clock expert analysis of what really happens when celebrities are sent to jail followed by video packages of every modern celebrity that has done time. And then more expert analysis followed by complaints about the news media focusing on celebrity gossip nonsense instead of real news. Does anyone really want any of that?

    Of course not. So why the hell didn’t Lohan complete her community service as soon as possible? Stupidity? Possibly. A large sense of celebrity entitlement? More than likely. She is famous, and fame tends to make celebrities believe that they are above everything, including the law. And since she is “important” in that way perhaps there’s an expectation that, even with stern warnings from various judges, that, in the end, nothing will really happen to her. Community service requirements are for poor people, regular people, not important celebrities like Lindsay Lohan. She used to be in movies. She also did Playboy that one time. She’s a cultural icon. You don’t put icons in jail even if they screw up their lives and violate the law. You just don’t.

    Lindsay Lohan should go to jail if she doesn’t complete her community service requirement. And she should be forced to complete the full stretch of her sentence, whatever the hell it ends up being. And then maybe she’ll figure out that she needs to fix her life. She probably won’t since, as I said last issue, no one ever learns anything, but it should happen anyway. You know, there’s always a chance, even with super entitled celebrities, that Lindsay Lohan will figure her life out.

    It also would be nice if Lohan’s mother and father stopped being enabling douchebags and figured out their own f***ing lives, but one thing at a time. Maybe if they see their daughter turn her life around they’ll make an effort for their own lives.

    And then Lindsay Lohan can go back to being an actress, get out of the scandal sheet tabloid gossip press, and we’ll never have to hear about any of this shit ever again. I think that’s a goal we can all get behind, right?

    Who is with me on this? Everyone, right?


  3. 10 Actors Whose Craziness Got Them Kicked Out Of Hollywood:

    Lindsay Lohan

    There are presumably very few human beings with even a passing interest in the cinematic medium who are not aware of the decline of one Lindsay Lohan, former child actress who slowly revealed herself to be something of a basket case.

    As if countless on-set tantrums, fights and disputes weren’t enough, Lohan also fell into drugs and alcohol in her late teens and she’s yet to recover.

    And now that her reputation is forever cemented as that of “nut-job,” nobody in Hollywood wants to work with her, and she’s forced to take cameo appearances in movies like Scary Movie 5 to get by. Even when Lindsay seems to be “getting better,” it takes only a few weeks before she’s scraping the bottom of the barrel all over again. Sad, really.


  4. How Quickly Can You Fall From Highest Paid Teen Star to Soft-Core Porn?


    In 1992, I ran across a straight-to-Cinemax movie called Blown Away late one night. To say it was “awful” would be an insult to the word, which deserves better than to be associated with an erotic thriller that includes one of the most comically heinous motorcycle explosions you’d ever have the displeasure of watching (it turns out, the entire film is on YouTube, and you can watch the motorcycle bomb explode around the 1:04 mark).

    If you’re a 80s/90s kid, you might also find fast-forwarding to all the naughty bits much more convenient on YouTube than on your shitty VCR.

    What’s remarkable to me about Blown Away is not how miserably terrible it is, but who stars in it: The two most popular and highest paid teen stars of the 1980s, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, as well as Nicole Eggert, a teen star in her own right for playing the rebellious daughter in the clean-cut syndicated sitcom Charles in Charge with Scott Baio.

    And the thing is, none of these actors were far removed from their peaks when Blown Away came around. Charles in Charge ended in 1990. The Coreys much publicized partnership didn’t even begin until 1988’s License to Drive, and they’d also starred in the body-switching comedy Dream a Little Dream the year after.

    But even without today’s intense media scrutiny, both Coreys had managed to fall faster than Lindsay Lohan, whose descent began with 2005’s Herbie Fully Loaded and didn’t hit the soft-core porn bottom until 2013’s Canyons.

    Eggert managed to pull out of the nosedive to some degree by landing on Baywatch, but the Haim/Feldman fall was catastrophic. In Hollywood terms, it was practically overnight. They’d gone from the cover of Teen Beat to taking turns badly fucking Nicole Eggert in a straight to late-night cable movie. The Coreys were 21, and their best days were already behind them, and they’d managed to do this without the benefit of Twitter or TMZ.

    How does that happen so fast? Drugs, of course, not that I had to tell any of you that. In fact, during filming of Blown Away, Corey Haim spent his nights with then girlfriend Nicole Eggert hooked to an IV in a hospital to battle withdrawal pains. Haim never beat that drug addiction, either. Within four years of Blown Away’s release, he had to be fired from a job by his own best friend, Corey Feldman. That same year, he went broke, filing for bankruptcy the next year. Ultimately, after 15 stints in rehab, a few arrests, a number of comeback attempts, unwanted sequels, and a celebreality show with Feldman, Haim died in 2010.

    That tragedy, sadly, makes it more difficult to make fun of the scene in which Eggert shoots Feldman in the back right after Haim catches Feldman and Eggert’s characters having sex. “That’s an amazing penis,” Haim says, before revealing that he knew his half-brother had planted a bomb in his car out of jealousy, and that Eggert’s character had masterminded the entire scheme. Haim’s character was the only one of the three to survive the film. Sadly, the same cannot be said of the actor, a man with so much early promise, all lost to addiction.


    • The Canyons was very far from soft core porn.


      • Oh by the way, Corey Feldman didn’t take to kindly to me forwarding him this article:


      • 8 Child Actors Who We Wish Had Stayed Kids:

        Lindsay Lohan

        The life of Lindsay Lohan is probably the platonic ideal of the “child star goes bad” story. As an adorable redhead child, Lohan moved from commercials to TV soaps and on to movies, impressing people with her precocious talent along the way. Her breakthrough film role was as twins Hallie and Annie in The Parent Trap, after which she seemed set for huge things. She followed it up with a fun turn in Freaky Friday opposite Jamie Lee Curtis and then became a household name following her starring role in Mean Girls. Then…she grew up.

        After the peaks of her early and teenage years, Lohan has suffered from some pretty major lows. DUIs, stints in rehab, extensive substance abuse and very public break-ups became pretty much all you heard about her, though she was also managing the occasional acting role. She eventually lost the support of major studios and these days her once promising career seems to have come to nothing. In 2013, she starred in The Canyons, a small-budget film, for a fee of $100 a day and the main story coming out of that project was that she’s impossible to work with. It’s a pretty sad tale all round, so is it so crazy to wish she’d stayed cheerful and cherubic forever?


  5. Top 10 Reasons Child Stars Go Crazy

    Fame, wealth and complete madness are just a few things that can affect who you ultimately become. Join http://www.WatchMojo.com as we count down our picks for the Top 10 Reasons Child Stars Go Crazy.


  6. Michael Lohan, Kate Major: CPS takes the kids


    Michael Lohan and Kate Major had their kids taken away last week … TMZ has learned.

    Sources familiar with the situation tell us, the Florida Dept. of Children and Families (DCF) sent social workers to Kate’s apartment in Boca Raton Wednesday after obtaining a video of some sort of extreme argument Michael and Kate were having in front of 2-year-old Landon and 10-month-old Logan.

    We’re told DCF told Kate they were taking the kids temporarily until a responsible family member could take temporary custody. We’re told the kids were put in foster care overnight.

    Our sources say Michael’s mother flew from Long Island immediately and the kids were taken to Michael’s home Thursday under the guardianship of grandma.

    We’re told Michael and Kate can both see the kids, but only in grandma’s presence.
    It doesn’t sound all that peaceful … we’re told 911 was called to Kate’s apartment after Kate claimed Michael was banging on her door.

    There’s a hearing scheduled Tuesday in family court to go over the video and the plan.


  7. How Lindsay Lohan’s Sharon Tate Homage Shows The Unsavory Side Of Social Media


    Famed serial killer Charles Manson turned 81 years old on Thursday, and chronically troubled actress Lindsay Lohan chose to celebrate the occasion in an inauspicious way. The night began like many other Lohan evenings in London. The social media addict got all gussied up and snapped an Instagram photo for her audience. As Lohan’s lack of judgment would have it, she happened to be dressed up as Manson victim Sharon Tate. Is this a leftover Halloween photo, or did Lohan realize what she was doing? Planning such an outfit requires forethought, and she took care to label her image with an “I LOVE SHARON TATE.”

    Lohan’s Photoshop addiction may also be at work in this image. The curtains look a little “off” in the background, although this isn’t as egregious of an effort as Lohan’s other digital manipulations. The real issue here is the Manson homage. Lohan’s Instagram commenters reacted by labeling her as “officially a hopeless loser” and “a disgusting trashbag.” Some credit goes to Lohan for not letting comments bother her, but she may not even read them.


  8. 10 Biggest Disney Star Scandals


    Lindsay Lohan

    Poor Lindsay. This former Disney star has sure had her share of scandal over the years! With her DUI and probation violations, this Mean Girls star racked up six mug shots between 2007-2013! Lindsay has spent three stints in rehab for substance abuse, which have caused her to lose movie deals, and she has subsequently moved to the small screen. In 2014, the Oprah Winfrey Network launched a documentary series called Lindsay that filmed Lindsay’s recovery and attempt to piece her life back together after the struggles in her personal life and career. The show was met with mixed critical reception and ran for a total of eight episodes. Lindsay has since moved to stage acting…


  9. Dennis Quaid looks back on “The Parent Trap” and Lindsay Lohan https://t.co/ko5CJXEt3T


  10. Re: Celebs with HIV or serious STD’s tea?


    This Charlie Sheen story opened the door for a lot of speculating, especially about LL. Some years ago when she was having financial hardships, Sheen publicly offered her money, which she took. Both of them were heavy drug users, so the possibility of unprotected intercourse was very high. LL surprisingly outed herself by releasing names of all/some of the men she slept with. IIRC, the numbers were in the high thirties. Never understood why a woman would spill her own beans in such a way….but now, the possibilities are shocking. If you have HIV/AIDS, you are suppose to notify your partners so they could be tested. Which would explain her reason for sitting down to make a list of her conquests, and why she looks horrible. That list was full of popular actors/entertainers. Most of those men are in relationships or married. This story is so far reaching, if it’s true and she does have it, the people she could’ve passed it to and they could’ve passed it to (if they didn’t already have it) are numerous.


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