50 Ways Hollywood Can Help You Beat the Blues During This Strange Holiday Season
I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday season. I think a lot of people would agree that 2016 has been a bit of a bummer. I’m hearing from friends that they are looking forward to putting this year in the rear-view mirror and starting fresh in 2017. Before we do that, I thought I’d share this article from the January 2002 issue of Movieline with 50 helpful suggestions on how you can enjoy the holidays with a little help from Tinseltown.
1. Take a cue from Jennifer Lopez (a.k.a. J. Lo) and try to come up with amusing hip-hop names for your friends, family and pets.
2. Throw a Billy Wilder comedy film festival made up of Sabrina, Some Like It Hot and The Seven Year Itch.
3. Rent The Talented Mr. Ripley and fast-forward to the nightclub scene in which Jude Law, all tanned, handsome and sweaty, sings “Tu Vuo’ Fa L’Americano.”
4. Read any interview Angelina Jolie’s given in the past two years to remind yourself that there still are some people in Hollywood who don’t BS.
5. Make a donation to the charity Jolie supports, the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees.
6. Do what Drew Barrymore does to perk herself up–put a fresh flower in your hair.
7. Log on to http://www.melaniegriffith.com and enter her “avalon.” [Lebeau note: Sorry, gang. The site is no longer active. But folllow the link anyway for a laugh.]
8. Pop some Newman’s Own popcorn and write a check to Paul Newman’s Hole in the Wall Gang camps for seriously ill kids.
9. Buy Pamela Anderson some clothes from the L.L. Bean catalog so she can cover up once in a while.
10. Start a campaign similar to the one in Pay It Forward and do nice things for three people.
11. Light some candles and thank your lucky stars that you weren’t the publicist for Mariah Carey this year.
12. If you haven’t already done so, make a donation to the Tribute to Heroes fund, which was supported by every big Hollywood star from Julia Roberts and George Clooney to Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise, at http://www.tributetoheroes.org. [Lebeau note: You guessed it, not active.]
13. Buy the Rush Hour 2 DVD and skip ahead to all the comical flubs tacked on to the end of the film.
14. Take a page from Derek Zoolander’s book and invent your own “Blue Steel” look to use on coworkers who have been hard on you all year.
15. Gather up some tots as an excuse to see Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone again.
16. Gather up some tots as an excuse to rent Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas again. Bonus: serve green eggnog.
17. Spice up the company Christmas party by going in a Playboy bunny outfit like the one Renee Zellweger wore in Bridget Jones’s Diary.
18. Bake some fruitcake and throw a Joan Crawford movie marathon made up of Humoresque, Possessed, Female on the Beach and Torch Song.
19. In the spirit of Hollywood’s legendary rebel, James Dean, tell someone who’s been getting on your nerves all year where to stick it.
20. Put aside Christmas shopping for others and be Tori Spelling for a day by splurging on yourself.
21. Take a wild guess what Nicolas Cage is putting in Lisa Marie Presley’s Christmas stocking.
22. Come up with names for Jennifer Aniston’s baby on “Friends” and e-mail them to email@example.com.
23. Watch Cats & Dogs with the furry friends in your life.
24. See for yourself what the chemistry is like between Penelope Cruz and Tom Cruise by going to Vanilla Sky.
25. Be grateful you had nothing to do with Original Sin.
26. Be grateful you weren’t one of the Columbia Pictures marketing guys who got busted for writing fake reviews for movie ads.
27. Listen to Billy Bob Thornton’s new album, Private Radio, which features a cut in which he sings about a man who wears his sweetie’s panties–something Thornton has admitted to doing.
28. Throw a Cate Blanchett film festival made up of Elizabeth, Pushing Tin, The Talented Mr. Ripley and The Gift.
29. If you, like so many other people at holiday time, are without a significant other, console yourself by going to http://www.tvguidelive.com/celebchef/name_af.html and grabbing Drew Carey’s recipe for Apple Coffee Cake.
30. Anticipate the mirth and mayhem of the Swept Away remake, the first movie collaboration between Madonna and her director husband, Guy Ritchie.
31. Buy cotton candy, make popcorn, whip up a few milkshakes and pop in the DVDs of Clueless and Legally Blonde for a funny, featherweight double feature.
32. Count the number of actors with highlights, face-lifts, tooth caps, pec implants, waxed chests and fake tans in the holiday movies.
33. Rent Angel Eyes to hear Jennifer Lopez coo in her adorably disarming Bronx accent, “Let’s talk about somethin’ stooopid.”
34. When bored at the office Christmas party, hit the spiked eggnog and speak entirely in movie quotes. For an extra challenge, limit yourself to a certain genre, like Adam Sandler comedies or Jane Austen adaptations.
35. Be grateful you weren’t the person who sent Niki Taylor to the hospital by trying to answer your cell phone while driving.
36. Rent My Best Friend’s Wedding and fast-forward to the scene where Cameron Diaz massacres “I Just Don’t Know What to Do with Myself” karaoke-style.
37. Remember that studios are still funding movies made by directors such as Steven Soderbergh, Michael Mann, Cameron Crowe and Lasse Hallström.
38. Make up your own “Bad Movies We Love” list for 2001 and start with Head Over Heels, The Wedding Planner, Someone Like You and Glitter.
39. Take an aspirin for your spiked-eggnog hangover and be glad you don’t have one the size of Yasmine Bleeth’s.
40. Give a female friend who’s not into grooming a makeover like the one Anne Hathaway received in The Princess Diaries.
41. Enjoy a getaway to Paris by seeing Amélie, which is set in the city’s picturesque Montmarte district but was actually filmed all over the City of Lights.
42. Write a check to the Motion Picture and Television Fund.
43. If you’re a single female, before you hit the Christmas party circuit watch some of Lauren Bacall’s moves and steal some of her snappy lines from To Have and Have Not and The Big Sleep.
44. If you’re a single male, before you hit the Christmas party circuit watch some of Cary Grant’s moves and steal some of his smooth lines from The Philadelphia Story and North by Northwest.
45. If you feel the need to do something drastic to lift your spirits, try what Madonna, Jennifer Aniston and Helen Hunt have done to lift theirs–dye your hair blonde.
47. Send a fan letter to a veteran Hollywood great like Katharine Hepburn, Doris Day, Mickey Rooney, June Allyson, Ann Miller, Kirk Douglas, Esther Williams or Janet Leigh.
48. Do a good deed by sending Julia Roberts a copy of He’s Scared, She’s Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships by Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol.
49. If you have access to one, send Charlie Sheen a time-travel machine so he can revisit the ’80s, a decade he seemed to thrive in and enjoy.
50. Check out the photo below of an angelic-looking Jane Fonda, taken long before she hit Hanoi, an aerobic studio or Atlanta. [Lebeau note: Sorry gang, the picture wasn’t included in the archives so you’ll have to use your imagination. Feel free to post your own Jane Fonda pictures in the comments. Just don’t make them all from Barbarella!]
Happy New Year, everyone! See you in 2017!